Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
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