I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
