i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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