You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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