these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
