Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
