We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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