chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
