i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
