i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
