Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
These tits shall not be calmed
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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