Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
