Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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