i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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