and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
