you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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