I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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