i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
