Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
