There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
