do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
