i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
