that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
