youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
