My brain says no but my pants say off.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
