we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
