i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
