Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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