My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
