I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
