I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
