It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
