I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
