i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
