i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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