did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
