May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
