I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
