Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
