We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
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Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
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Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
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