Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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