Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
only you would photoshop your dick
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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