My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
