my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
