Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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