Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
