the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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