I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
