Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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