i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
