i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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