so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
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i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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