well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
