where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
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By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
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Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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