You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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