please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
