who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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