C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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