Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
