The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
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He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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