what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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