Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
