I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
